Saturday, May 16, 2009

Bush, Cheney, Gonzo, Bill-O Set to Prove Torture Works on Live TV

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By Sandy Sand

Good leaders lead by setting good examples; excellent leaders lead by setting excellent examples that include public view of what they are doing that is accompanied by proof.

Having always been forthright, open, honest and proof-giving, George Bush, Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales have consistently proven that they are and were not only excellent leaders, but a step beyond mere excellence...they are leaders par excellence in the field of government and politics.

Without qualification, Bill O'Reilly is of equal repute in the field of open and always honest talk radio and factual reporting. Over the years and most recently O'Reilly has been a glittering example that reflects the openness, honesty, fair and balanced reporting set by his employer, Fox News.

Who could ask for more? A man who allows free and open discussion, even with those who disagree with him. After opening his radio show with a recap of truthful news reports, O'Reilly throws open the "lines apoppin" to callers whom he never calls names or is disagreeable with. Showing ultimate patience, he allows them unlimited time to express their opinions, no matter what the are.

Of course, in spite of their protestation of incontrovertible truth that they are the opposite of these extolled virtues, these stellar paragons of truth, justice and liberty for all, George Bush, who condones torture in the name of his holy grail of national security; Dick Cheney, who seconds the motion; and Gonzales, who wrote the torture memos and his break-the-Constitution flunkies, who helped write every legal trick to circumvent U.S. and international law have volunteered to put their pain where their convictions are.

Each is vying for top billing on a new pay-per-view show, "It Ain't Torture Til I Say It Is."

Appearing first on the bill is Bill-O. On his radio show Monday morning, O'Reilly hosted two "experts" who extolled the virtues of and effectiveness of torture. Their view is, of course, in direct opposition to those who say torture doesn't work.

If as they say, torture works, and as Bush has said, our "interrogation techniques" have saved American lives and stopped terrorists' plots: We say let them prove it! They say they will prove it on TV for all to see.

Let's assume again that torture works as O'Reilly and his minions would have us believe. Bill-O said that "head-slapping" bothers him a little. Maybe a good slap up-side his head would bother him a lot. And, Bill, what do you think that "head slap" constitutes?

A little open-handed head-slap like Mark Harmon's character on "N.C.I.S." uses to show his disapproval of the actions of his underlings? It bothers me just to watch it, and I wish his character would knock it off, or someone head-slap him a few times.

Does a head-slap mean using a brass-knuckled glove, or a Bush fraternity paddle, Barry Bond's bat, a carpenter's board? What? You didn't think it through!

Bill-O also doesn't think waterboarding, loud music, extremes of hot and cold are torture.

First waterboarding. Bill, have you ever accidently gotten water up your nose, like with Vinnie Barbarino's rubber hose, or diving in a pool. It doesn't hurt much, does it?

Maybe Bill's waterboarding friends must have gotten the idea from our ancestors at Salem. They thought waterboarding or "dunking" as they quaintly called it, would prove if someone were a witch or a warlock. Fun group of people those Puritans.

"Witch," "witch" was "witch"? I don't remember if float or sink meant witch or straight person. It doesn't matter. The suspect drowned and NONE of them were witches or warlocks.

We're not talking a little water up the nose; it's enough water to make the victim think he's DROWNING. You say you wouldn't mind a sip, Bill. Good, because I'll love to seeing you try on the premeire episode of "It Ain't Torture Til I Say It Is." Maybe you'd like to be tasered, too, just for the fun of it. They could taser you while your're submerged and kill you with two tortures at once.

Loud music not a problem? Okay, Bill, you won a day in a room with Ludicris blasting for twenty-four hours. How about some Oriental opera?; beautiful to them, not so much to us until we get used to it. Nah, I think all the rappers you rap would be a far more appropriate torture for you.

Finally, on the show staring torture denier par excellence, O'Reilly will get to experience the extremes of heat and cold that he pooh-poohs.

Striped down to his skivvies, because we really don't want to see his family jewels shrivel in the severe cold they'll be exposed, or swell, boil and drip sweat. Oooo, not a pretty picture.

Exposed to all this torture, and because it works according to Bill, it won't be long before he confesses all the lies he's told the Fool's fools cadre of his followers. He'll spill his guts about what really happened with Andrea Mackris to the tune of a multi-million dollar settlement.

Best of all, he'll fess up to why he's so afraid of that big bad man, Keith Olbermann. As it stands now, not only will he never utter Olbermann's name, but no one is allow to speak it either, or they face the consequences of a visit from Fox security.

Truth will out at the hands of the torturers, and O'Reilly will be forced to say the forbidden name...out loud for everyone to hear.

He won't be alone in this little horror show, because there will be appearances by Bush, Cheney, Gonzales and everybody in the government who signed onto these horrific torture memos that have brought shame upon all of us and the country we love.

Bullies all, they will easily crack under the tortures they have divined.

Bush will confess to approving ever dirty trick pulled by Karl Rove; every lie he's told; who outted Valerie Plame; what really goes on at Skull and Bones meetings; why his Saudi buddies were allowed to leave the country immediately after 9/11 and all his secret deals with them; how the fix was in on no-bid contracts and how much he and Cheney are profiting for them; and everything else he's guilty of.

Cheney will spill the beans about his highly secret energy meetings; why he shot his friend on a hunting trip; how he fixed was his phoney v.p. hunt when he shot all of us by anointing himself for the position; where his secret location is; and all of his dirty rotten, behind the scenes skullduggery.

Finally, Gonzo will remarkably remember everything that went on in the Department of Justice.

All of them are so horridly unAmerican it's criminal for them to even call themselves Americans. These torturing cretins will be in very bad company, indeed in this little tortured house of televised horrors.

Finally, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth will be told for all to see and hear.

See...torture really works and we'll get to see it in action, applauding all the way.

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